Even though I’ve graduated, I’m still living the life of a student (even though it’s unfortunate that I’m not quite a grad student). And that means, at this current time, I’m on winter break, and have absolutely zero responsibilities. And all the free time in the world. And have absolutely nothing to do. (I just started three consecutive sentences with “and.” Oh eww. There’s gonna be a fourth). And as such, I’m currently going through Friends, watching the season finale of season 4 while typing this. The last two episodes have had a good amount flashbacks and reminiscing for the various characters on the show. Oh the nostalgia.

Nostalgia. “A wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.” ( I think it’s no secret that I, on more occasions than not, allowing my mind to wander back to past events and linger there for a while. And do so in lieu of living in the present at times. Moments like these tend to creep up on me whenever I don’t have something to occupy myself with. I think I was sitting in the car recently and just looking around at things. All of a sudden, memories just started to come back of past times. People, events, happenings, and the whole shebang. Admittedly, I know myself that it’s not entirely healthy to dwell in the past. But I’m an unhealthy person.

Memories are a tricky thing. On one hand, memories allow you to bring up past events, some happy, others not so much. Unfortunately, memories also have the possibility to be skewed, to be falsely recalled, and may lure you into viewing events w/ tinted goggles. I like to think such misconceptions may be similarly applied to the idea of a pedestal, of sorts. That, while we can, for the most part, trust what our minds can conjure up, at the same time, our memories can very easily be manipulated, both from intrinsic sources and extrinsic influences. As we get further and further away from a point in time, our mind tends to accentuate the good and diminish the bad, and can over time, completely change a singular events into something much more glamorous that what it once was. The mind, our memories, and cognition can be a very powerful thing. And all this power doesn’t necessarily align itself with good or bad. I can’t think of a relevant quote from history, so I’m gonna bring one in from HP: He-who-must-not-be-named did great things; terrible, yes, but great. — Ollivander.

I guess the take away is that I hate my mind. I distrust the previous memories my mind creates, but at the same time, willingly and knowingly allowing myself to fall into this false sense of security that comes with the comforting thoughts my mind creates. And that’s how I get trapped in the past; because I’ve created such a distorted field, that it becomes full of happy moments as opposed to the realistic mundane events of real life. Bah. I believe I’m just rambling now, so I’m ending it.


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