How friendly is friendly?

Friendships are… a tricky thing. In order to become good friends with people, asides from the superficial common interests and hanging out and whatnot, a solid friendship is one that has deeper roots, usually stemming from a shared experience and/or intimate knowledge of someone in the form of opening up or being vulnerable with them. Sometimes, these things just happen as a result of life, where you end up spending a lot of time with someone because of mutually aligned paths, be it from school, work, or whatever the situation. That’s great and all, but as with many things, the paths eventually find themselves diverging at some point, and you no longer get to spend copious amounts of time with said person (or people) and this personality, the conversations, the experiences that you shared are sometimes left to slowly wither away. Yeah, there’s the concept of keeping in touch, which one would assume would be easier in this day and age with all the technology and constantly being accessible through it, but it doesn’t quite match up to the older times of actually interacting with people… you know, in person. I think/feel like, the longer or more time you got to spend with that person in that moment of life and the deeper those roots of friendship seem to take hold, the worse it is when it gets ripped out and all that’s left is a void of nothingness that really can’t be filled by merely KIT with people. Humz.

Think of all that. Is there someone, or someones, that could possible fit the bill? I s’pose you could expand the vagueness to encompass those you’ve may have had a bad falling out with, but I think I was thinking more so of the friends that just stopped being present for whatever reason, but not necessarily out of malicious intent. Then the question is, how do you convey that emotion to the respective party without seeming too… strange? weird? I don’t know what word I want to use here. But a random thought out of the blue; does that work? Because another one of my convictions as of late, resulting from some of the negativity that I’ve been struggling with over the past few months/years, is to minimize the moments of vulnerability I present of myself to others. Reaching out and making that first move is an act of vulnerability (at least for me sometimes), so that can be some tough sledding to deal with.

There’s also another component to this madness: the degree to how strong the friendship actually is/was. Either I may just have had a string of bad luck in evaluating the strength (or lack thereof) of some of my friendships in the past. One side may have felt that the friendship was of a stronger magnitude than the other. I often think of this story I heard somewhere at sometime, with the same events framed through different perspectives. I think it’s pretty dang spot on. And of course it involves a guy and a girl. The details don’t matter that much, but the gist of it is, the guy does romantic things for the girl, such as having flowers delivered to her work, perhaps with a nice little note. Showing up outside her window and serenading her on the guitar. Knowing various factoids about her just because he knows her so well. Making time to be available for her, as based on her schedule/availability to hang out. With all these little moments described, think about them through these two lenses:

1. The guy and girl are bf/gf or husband/wife with reciprocated feelings. That’s cute and romantic, and the guy would be earning tons of brownie points.
2. The feelings are not reciprocated. The guy essentially is a stalker/creeper dude, inundating her with attention she doesn’t want. He’s just simply deluded. gg.

You see how various actions can be (mis)perceived by different individuals depending on how they feel about each other? Now scale that back down, as that was merely a story I wanted to insert, but the idea remains the same. If a guy’s constantly bugging you to hang out, play sports, watch tv, something something, you might want the dude to back off. Or if its a guy bugging a girl, the girl may think, we’re just friends, I don’t know why you’re coming on so strong/hitting on me/can’t take a hint or whatever.

So many thoughts. So many levels of thoughts. I’ve thought about reaching out to folks. Not in the romantic sense, because well, that’s a barren field right now. But just, friends with who we shared good moments, many laughs, and outings with. Who’re no longer around. You would think I’d learn my lesson from before (a different one, but still relevant) about not leaving things to what if. I guess the head knows, but the head is also still having an internal debate with itself. Whomp whomp.

[edit] Watching HIMYM, I found this “theory” to sum up the above content pretty well: The Dobler-Dahmer Theory.


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