Forelsket

My apologies for having not updated in a while. Honestly, it’s been tough to bother even racking my mind for the simplest of tasks as of these past few weeks because of how mundane my day to day activities are. Even though I’m not exactly embarked upon my career as some others my age are, the monotonous grind of going to work has certainly sapped a tangible amount of… anything out of me. I want to say that it’s not so much about the fact that I’m merely going to work and nothing else really encompasses the fleeting hours of my day, but rather the material with which I am given to busy myself with at work.

Babysitting. Well, I guess that’s a rather harsh and excessive term to describe my job as a Rehab Administrative Assistant, but that’s what it feels like. It’s my job to clean up after the therapists, to tidy up the storage area, to make sure their paperwork and signatures and notes are completed, to make sure they’ve properly clocked in/out for their days, and the like. Intertwined with having to watch over them, I have to sometimes comb through the paperwork with meticulous attention to detail to spot missing initials/notes/signatures or other areas lacking in completion. And as the main liaison between the Rehab Dept and the rest of the facility (besides my boss/DOR), all of Rehab’s shortcoming’s in keeping up to date with our tasks are seen as my having failed to do what I should be doing. I guess that’s the life of an administrative assistant eh? Having the power/responsibility to oversee things but being powerless to actually do anything about it other than politely requesting a therapist to catch up on what should’ve already been completed… whenever they have time.

Don’t get me wrong. Now that I’m nearly 3 months into the grind, I more or less have a pretty solid idea of what I do. (Yet, there are days where I ask myself, in the voices of Bob and Bob: What would you say you do here?) And being more or less independent and free to roam about “completing tasks” is liberating in the sense that I’m never under any time constraints or pressure to finish something. Yet, it is this same exact feeling that I miss that makes me pine for what I don’t have. As people in other careers have other big projects, tasks, assignments to complete, I just make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed. It makes for a constant level of baseline activity that doesn’t allow for varying highs and lows to liven up my situation.

Getting back on topic; in some sense, I miss the expected variability that school brought. Clubs, groups, organizations, and even classes all had their little events of highs and lows that would keep life interesting. The yearly kickoff that you had to be involved in, the tests and event preps that would drive you crazy, the joys of completing said tests or events and the celebratory moments to be had after; college always found a way to make life interesting because of the many highs and lows one had to trudge through to make it out the other end.

And somehow, nestled in the midst of the chaos that was our lives back then, was a hidden gem that we sometimes were just lucky enough to uncover; that exhilaration and trepidation of catching someone’s eye, hitting it off, and seeing that kindling slowly feed off the chemistry that was there to grow into something more. Forelsket: the euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love.This is a Norwegian word people sometimes use to try and convey an emotion or experience that supposedly just can’t be explained using the English language. Here, I’m talking more so about the general idea and sensation one feels, rather than focusing on the object that one may be projecting/receiving said feelings to/from. Because I think that there truly isn’t anything that rivals such an emotion such as when a person is falling in love and getting caught up and smothered in this feeling that completely overwhelms your senses, driving you to a near borderline obsession as you think about this person. It’s like puppy love, but a little bit more. *insert sighing and swooning here*

My choice of that word here and for this post is to capture one of the purest and highest highs (I believe) that occurs within the entity that is our lives. Granted, this can and oft will still happen outside of school in the working field, but the notion seems so far away from me in my present situation that it’s almost put up on a pedestal as something slightly beyond reach but a true joy to look upon. That because there’s really nothing within my day to day activities that elicits such a strong sense of feeling and emotion from within me, my days just seem like a giant waste from one setting sun to the next.

Of course, as with all problems, there exists a solution (well, in most cases; you shouldn’t use absolutes, right?). The solution being: go out and make something of yourself, or your time, of your day. Unfortunately for me, that task is put on hold for now as I’m still recovering from getting under the weather. A common cold lasts about two weeks right? I think/hope I’m at the tail end of that, so here’s hoping.

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