Turned 25 last wk (7 days now). Would’ve loved to have a shindig. Was busy with school (AKA 5tests4days, one week of “learning,” followed by 5tests4days again). So wanted to have a little get together with folks the weekend after hell week/birthday. Gonna talk about a couple social circles here.
A quick tangent. I saw a HS friend get tagged in some photo of a bday event with broomball. Damn, I haven’t played that in forever. But as I looked at that event and thought of my own social circle, I doubt I could ever pull that off with social circles.
Group A. Thought it was a group of some close friends. They’ve come over in years past to celebrate/do a 4th of July thing. This year, I couldn’t even count on one hand the number of well-wishes/bday acknowledgements from them. As in, the number of those is less than 5. In the big picture, does this matter? Not really. In an emotional nit-picky state of mind? You bet it does. It’s my 25th bday, and I can’t even get people together for a blasted meal. Other non-summer bdays have had projects for well-wishings and daytrips out of LA and the like. How the hell would I even begin thinking about doing a broomball thing or other large bday event if I can’t even get a handful people together/to respond? Maybe I’m just a bad friend, such that I fall to the back of ppl’s mind and dgaf about. Maybe these aren’t a group of my friends.
Group B. Another close group of mine. I think. Tryna set plans post-testing during that free weekend of mine. i know someone else has a bday that wkend, so I asked ahead of time if we’re doing anything then. Response was no. That’s some due diligence right? So I ask if we can grab grub, specifying a cuisine. I get a counter response asking for kbbq. Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t mind kbbq normally, but I’ve made a request prefaced by asking if it could be for a lil bday get together. So at this point I’m internally seething, but step away from the convo to try and calm down and respond tactfully. Someone else steps in and is like, but it’s for Derek’s bday! And the reply is that its so-and-so’s bday too. Full blown internal rage. I’d try to get ahead of this by asking if that anything was gonna happen to not step into a clash of bday celebrations. 2 groups. 1 common factor. Me. Bad/irrelevant friend? Welp.
Group C. Which really ceased to be a social circle maybe a year or two ago. We were close once. And not that I expect a friendship to remain close because of past history, but I’d kinda hope it have some foundation for a friendship to stand on. I haven’t had an actual hang out with this circle since right after I got out of college. And I’ve made attempts since then, but each attempt since has been met with a “Oh yeah, sorry I didn’t respond last time. What’s good for you? I’m busy right now, so how’s about so-and-so date?” Aaaaand silence. And rinse and repeat. I’d hate to completely strike friends off a list, but when it’s been 2+ years, and I get miffed at some people for 3-6 months radio silence, it’s well past time, isn’t it? And I guess it’s me again isn’t it?
Which has got me thinking. With friends like these, some of which I’ve known for 10+ years or longer, it makes me wonder about the validity of these friendships altogether. If I lived in a whole ‘nother city, and not in the same place I’ve lived in for 20+ years, I’d have had the same number of celebratory events w/ friends that I’ve had thus far (totaling a whopping number of zero). Would I have liked a shindig for my 25th? Yeah, but realistically I kinda knew it wasn’t gonna work on near my bday wkend d/t my being in school. So maybe move it off that weekend. Well, when you take a look at the friends as mentioned above, I don’t think anythings likely to happen there either. I mean, I’m not asking for a like a huge-ass buffet and open bar and party events (But would a roof-top bar thing would’ve been cool? For sure. Maybe at 30? Ah, who am I kidding?). I’m not even asking for presents (never really have). But it seems that people are too busy themselves to be around and about or to even take a minute to send a bday greeting. Hell, fb would’ve sufficed, even though that’s something I generally frown upon. Seeing my “friends” or hearing from them, just to know that I was in their thoughts for a minute on that day; are my expectations really that excessive? I’m not even talking about the numerous so-called friends/acquaintances I have on facebook (says 500+; do I even know 500 ppl?); just the handful of people I thought were closest to me. I can’t even get a handful from the handful.
Maybe 25’s not really that big of a deal. Maybe bday’s aren’t really anything special. Well, I kinda knew that already in the collegiate/post-collegiate birthday years. I guess my 25th just serves as another reminder of this wonderful fact.
p.s. On the bright side, I was in class that day, and people saw the notification pop up on their fb news feed, so they did the usual “class bday” thing and put a paper crown and plastic necklace on me (Previous bdays had been girls; we’re re-using this apparently lulz). I had a chuckle, they had a chuckle, and I received simple well-wishings from peeps around. Something simple. Wasn’t much at all. But t’was cool.
p.p.s. I have finals next week spilling into the following wk, so my small window of freedom to celebrate/unwind is nearly gone. And after finals it’ll be August. And not July. So there’s that.
p.p.p.s. Oh yeah. One last thing. I guess I can rent a car without the under-25 surcharge now. Whoohoo.
Okay. I’ve got this post written/feelings vented. I’m over it. Back to the mundane ho-hum adventure that is life.